Axel

Today was the day I hand in my HSC B.O.W for Visual Arts. I'm a little nervous and relieved at the same time lol because it is finally over. Too bad I had a shitty day though. Today I was happy and looking forward to going to school, even though I was not in the chirpiest mood this morning, hello? Who is?

Anyway, I got a bad mark on a trial for a subject I studied endlessly for, all to have it thrown back in my face. And to make matters worse, my selfish friends didn't even care that I was upset, ( obviously I was you could see it in my face, I was told) They bid me good bye and said have fun as they walked off and left me to be alone for last period and lunch. Okay, so if that wasn't bad enough, I also have not seen my partner for about a week, I'm feeling depressed again because I haven't gone back to the psychologist yet and I can't stop over eating because I'm tired and upset and exhausted. I'm also sick with a chest infection. I just feel more and more shit, and it's all building up, I don't want to be near anyone again, and I am writing in this blog because no one reads it. Thankfully. I just write here to get things off of my chest. I just feel so alone, so lonely and upset. I miss alot of things and how they used ot be. I've just come to realise that I hate my so called "friends". They aren't friends they just use me for someone to hang out with, someone to waste time with when they are bored, they don't actually care what I have to say, or how I feel about things. They 're just so obsessed with themselves, and so inconsiderate. I'm over trying to make friends with them, so from now on, I'm going to lock myself up until the HSC is over, mentally. I mean, like just not give them the time of day anymore, I'm sick of them using me and making me wait on them hand and foot. I just feel like the more I live here, the more I hate everyone. I hope this year flashes by fast, because it's making me topple. And I'm feeling infurious every time i see one of their faces.

Ever felt so angry that you wanted to punch someone in the face when they walk into the room, but they haven't had to say anything to make you feel like that? Yeah, that's how I feel about most of my "friends" I'm over you, you all suck and make me more depressed each day, do you even care about me anymore? Or are you so wrapped up in trying to be popular, that you let real friends slip through your fingers? Real people who would love you and do anything for you fall away? Pretty much silencing A Real Friend...

Ah, I hate this area, I hate all of these bogan people, I only love two of you, guess who you are? HA I'll let you know one, One of them is my partner. The other one knows who they are. You all are fake and pretentious, you put up all these little fake barriers around yourselves so people won't know what you're really like, and you know what I loved yous all when yous were yourselves. Too bad that yous all strive pathetically for popularity and recognition, you make me sick, grow the fuck up.

Another thing, you all know that I have PTSD, and how it makes me feel, you all know that I'm sensitive and that I don't confront people because of how bad I was bullied and the abuse I have experienced, to even call yourselves my friends is an overstatement of the pieces of shit you are. I hope you wither and lose whatever you're trying to gain by being so horrible to people, by being so judgmental, you will surely lose int he end.